Find Infertility Support on Mother's Day

Find Infertility Support on Mother's Day Find Infertility Support on Mother's Day

As Mother's Day approaches, the pain of infertility feels overwhelming. As long as you can remember, you always hoped to have a healthy pregnancy and childbirth experience. That is not happening and your hope is turning into deep sorrow. While others may mean well, your fertile friends and family cannot know firsthand how you feel when pregnancy never comes. While your loved ones want the best for you, they may feel helpless, not knowing how to be your ideal infertility support network. You, too, may be at a loss for words about how to ask for help. We've come up with some ideas to help you help yourself and ask your loved ones for fertility support on Mother's Day.

Communicate your feelings
Addressing hurtful statements or asking others for infertility support can be tough. Stay calm. If you are feeling nervous or shaky inside, take a few deep breaths to prepare and ground yourself. When you are ready to talk, begin by communicating about your feelings. Here are some examples:

  • I feel (sad, angry, upset) when you make light of my infertility struggles.
  • I really need support right now because I feel (weak, scared, sad) inside.
  • Mom, I know that you want to celebrate Mother's Day, but I am (sad, depressed, not feeling up to it) this year.

Inject something personal, but don't insult the other party. Remember that your friend or relative may be at a loss for words, just as you may often feel at a loss for words regarding your fertility problems. If a direct conversation like this is difficult for you, find your strength by practicing with your partner or a therapist.           

Have a teaching moment
Chances are, unless your friends and family have experienced a significant loss, they won't really be able to relate to what you are going through. Using your own experience, and armed with some facts about infertility, create some infertility awareness. As you talk about your fertility problems, remind people of some infertility statistics like the following:

  • 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age experiences infertility.
  • Infertility is just about equally caused by male and female fertility problems.
  • Only about two out of three infertile women will give birth following medical treatment for the disease.
  • Less than a third of the states in the U.S. require employers to offer health insurance coverage for infertility services.

Only tell people as much as you want to share. If this sounds too hard right now, and you want to keep your story inside, that is OK too. When you are ready to talk, identify an appropriate time and place. Make sure you have time before and after the conversation to relax and compose yourself if necessary.

Mother yourself on Mother's Day
Even if you don't have children of your own, you can still nurture yourself when tender loving care is needed. Consider this exercise when you are hurting:

  1. Picture yourself as a child.
  2. Picture yourself today, a loving and wise woman.
  3. Give yourself, the child inside, motherly love and care. Envision a warm hug, a loving embrace, and supportive, kind words. Absorb.

This Mother's Day, if you need some time alone, let your relatives know in advance. Call your mother, send her a gift, but also allow yourself time to heal. It's OK to put yourself first sometimes, especially in difficult times like this.

Get more tips on coping with infertility on Mother's Day.